A Guideline for Blended Families or Step Parenting
A blended family or step parenting can be a very big challenge for everyone involved. The following are some guidelines to make the new family unit function more effectively.
1. Be Patient – A natural family is created slowly, yet a blended family is more abrupt. Allow time for adjustment.
2. Make Respect a Rule – Demand that each member of the family is treated with respect. Members may not like each other, yet acting with respectful actions and attitude is mandatory. Discipline behavior and character.
3. Allow time for bonding between Step Parent and Child. Step Parent must take initiative to create a bond with the child. Small behaviors lead to bigger behaviors.
4. As the relationship increases, disciplining increases.
5. Maintain harmony as a team or a united front between parent and stepparent.
6. Understand the losses and hurts of the children.
7. Step Parent has the authority initially like a baby sitter, teacher or coach. The next stage is like an uncle or aunt. The next stage is like a parent.
8. Never speak negatively in front of the child about the biological parent.
9. Communicate, communicate, communicate!
10. Lower your expectation of the quality of relationship between the stepparent and child.
11. Create a list of family rules and consequences. Make the consequence facilitate the desired behavior.
12. Write down the rules and consequences in a binder.
Follow these suggestions, and you will reap the benefits.
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Rules for Fair Fighting
Dean Sunseri, LPC
1. Fighting fair in marriage is an attitude and a skill; a skill that must be learned and practice to have a successful marriage. The following are some basic guidelines for fighting fair in marriage:
2. Deal With The Issue Quickly – don’t let it linger indefinitely
3. Deal With Only One Issue At A Time – don’t “kitchen sink” your partner by bringing up everything you’ve been upset about
4. Avoid “Put Downs” and Generalizations – avoid words like “you always, you never, you are always right or wrong, good or bad,” etc.
5. Listen Without Interrupting – take turns listening and ask questions to clarify what’s being communicated
6. Don’t Fight In Front Of Your Kids – arguing in front of your children is child abuse. They don’t want to hear it anyway.
7. Don’t Bring Up Past Mistakes, Hurts, or Issues From The Past – don’t dig up the past. Stay in the present with the topic at hand.
8. Avoid Name Calling and Personal Insults – name calling and personal insults might help you to win the argument but may also cause you to lose your marriage.
9. Make It A “Win-Win” Outcome For Both of You – you can only win if you both win.
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10 Ways to Improve your Marriage
Dean Sunseri, LPC
1. Create a date night either every week or every other week.
2. Every day pray to be loving, forgiving and appreciative.
3. Tell your partner often that you love him or her.
4. Do unexpected or random acts of kindness.
5. Touch, hold and hug, because your physical self is revitalized by loving, non-verbal communication.
6. Let others know how much your partners means to you. Public affirmation of your love increases the care in the relationship.
7. Create at least 30 minutes of quality time together daily.
8. Learn to be an excellent communicator, expressing thoughts and emotions freely.
9. Pray together, in private and in public.
10.Keep the growth of your marriage a high priority.
****************************************************************************************************10 Strategies for a Healthy Spiritual Family
Dean Sunseri, LPC
1. Teach your children to become strong in spirit.
a. (Luke 2:51-52 So he went back to Nazareth with them, and lived obediently with them. His mother held these things dearly, deep within herself. And Jesus matured, growing up in both body and spirit, blessed by both God and people. [The Message Bible])
2. Be clear about your priorities and make decisions based on your priorities. (Spiritual Development, Quality Relationships, Academic Development, Hobbies)
3. Blend your natural family into your spiritual family.
4. Establish and maintain the divine order of authority.
5. Teach your children obedience and root out rebellion.
6. Monitor everything that your family sees and hears, because whatever you allow in your eye gate or ear gate, you must deal with.
7. Go on a media (TV, Internet, Video Game) fast.
8. Spend less money than you make.
9. Keep the married relationship strong. (Date night)
10.Ask the Holy Spirit to teach you how to parent.
a. (John 14:26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things…)